As a hopeful kind of person, I envision widespread
social media forums that support meaningful relationships that cut across the
sociopolitical and socioeconomic and sociocultural spectrums—even momentary relationships
with strangers. I do not see this on the horizon, at least not the part about
being widespread. Without these means of establishing and maintaining meaningful relationships, I fear our American nation will crumble and fall.
An equally problematic reality is that the user
experience with most social media applications is so poor as not to result in
long-term patience from users.
Nevertheless, there are examples of ways in which we
might move toward constructive and informative exchanges. The examples of poor
user experiences abound. Let’s hope someone at Facebook et al are working to
improve these experiences in major ways.
If
we value meaningful conversation, Quora has a pretty good model. I am continually
impressed with how polite and complimentary people can be on Quora. It reminds
me of San Francisco’s KQED Forum program in the quality of the interviews and
of the comments of people who call/text/tweet during their programming
segments. A lot of this respectful, information-valuing culture has to do with Forum’s
and Quora's expressed missions and their guidelines for participation. And once
you have established that, the people who are drawn to listen, read, and
comment become self-selecting. While exceptions to respectful commentary exist,
these forums have a certain degree of self-policing. The signal-to-noise ratio
is pretty high.
A
reaction on Quora such as one I saw this morning ("Phenomenal!
Thank you for breaking things down by topic (paragraph). Very enlightened
response!") does a lot to keep this community from deteriorating into banalities
or crudities. It’s
encouraging to get feedback that you’re not wasting time when you respond to a
Quora question… or ask one. We need
to do more of the same: When we read a posting that we think is especially
helpful, we need to upvote or “like” it. If we feel that what someone has
written is particularly informative, well-written, or enlightening, a
compliment would surely be appreciate and could reinforce a model for the
discourse. For the most part on Quora, when other
respondents disagree with someone’s perspective, they respond with facts or
anecdotes and rarely with invective. Quora’s hope is that someone will flag an
invective post, Quora staff will review it, and it will be removed if it fails
to meet the guidelines. It’s a start toward social media that encourages us to
contribute something positive to society and to each other.
Making choices on our
use of social media matters. We're either part of the problem or
part of the solution. That seems to fit the use of social
media as much as it fits in other parts of our lives. Sharing knowledge,
seeking knowledge, having respectful discourse, and practicing the niceties of
"thank you" all seem like parts of the solution/alternative to what's
currently happening in social media-mediated discourse. The use of Quora is an
example that we each can contribute to constructive discourse-- even when
people have radically opposing views, that we have the right to expect that we
will not be insulted or verbally abused, and that a service supporting the
community in maintaining respectful, relevant standards of discourse is (apparently)
essential.
We have the luxury of not being part of a social media solution to unbridled abusive rancor. But if a primary desideratum for our behavior is whether it would be equally acceptable if all people behaved as we are thinking of behaving, taking that “luxury” makes us part of the problem. Without this guiding ethical principle, we must believe (consciously or not) that we're better than others. Deep down, we know we’re not. Instead, we can even consider extending the guideline of “don’t participate in verbal abuse” to “participate in respectful commentary.” We can become part of the solution.
= = =
The big problem for me with Facebook is
not their business model. I'm seriously thinking of closing
my Facebook account. It's not a protest against their business model as I don't
have a solid solution for how they can continue to improve shareholder value
(the number one fiduciary responsibility of a corporation) without mining our
data and metadata and using that to present ads and other posts that their real
customers (not us) will pay for. Apparently, the majority of Facebook
users are not willing to pay for the service in order to have their profile,
data, and metadata remain truly private. There seems to be an opportunity for
tiered services that I hope companies like Facebook, Google, and Twitter will
consider, one in which we can pay for additional privacy and no intrusions,
much as we have with subscriptions that cost more if we elect not to receive
ads. There is, unfortunately, a concomitant issue that those without the money
to spare don’t have the option to keep their privacy while using the service.
That seems unacceptable. I’d love a change in business model, but even if there
were one that better protected me against intrusions, I’d still be on the edge
about continuing my account.
My biggest complaint with Facebook is its user experience. I find the Facebook
user experience to be abominable. This is only an example; all social media
have a long way to go in providing an interface that makes us happy to use it.
The Facebook feed is a nonstop stream of detritus that most of us don't want to
see, with updates from real friends and real family members barely visible in
the stream. We can get notifications of replies (to other friends' posts!) but
no notifications that someone we care about has just posted something we care about. We get notified anytime
one of our FB friends is "interested" in attending an event; it’s a
variation on a “like” only less relevant. And to think of the hours we'd have
to spend to see if we could find a way to set up our UI to be more tailored to
our needs? I can think of few ways I'd less like to spend my time.
Without Facebook-like social media, we become more
isolated. An obvious hesitation
in deleting a FB account is that we will, realistically, lose touch with people
we care about—such as personal goings-on in our extended family and with those
we’re less close to but are interested in "following.” For the many people
who've acquired the handicap of not being able/willing to use email or to use a
phone for phone calls, expecting someone to respond to an email or voicemail is
ill-considered.
Back in the day, when you moved to a
new location, you gradually or quickly lost touch with people with whom you'd
had some degree of friendship. They didn't write (handwritten or typed); calls
became less frequent; you moved on. Most friendships are now mediated by social
media or email, even those with your neighbors. So if you literally or
figuratively "move on," that makes having new, non-mediated
relationships more challenging to establish and
maintain.
Leaving social media such as Facebook
is like moving to an Alaskan outpost where mail delivery is monthly and only
during the months when the roads are passable. You would have little junk mail
and even less mail that mattered, like correspondence from someone you actually
know (or once knew).
It would be arrogant (and unrealistic) to put the
onus on others to track "me." A colleague of mine decided to
close her Facebook account. Her comments and posts were always heart-felt and
meaningful. She has a blog and website and has encouraged people to keep in
touch that way. This puts all the onus on the friend, whose life is busy enough
that they're unlikely to schedule time to check her website on any regular
basis. It's an example of the desideratum of what would happen if everyone
behaved as she's choosing to behave. Imagine if all of us had a checklist of people
we think should keep in touch with us. On the outside chance that they will
choose to read our writing and view our photos, the relationship still turns
into a very passive relationship for our friends, like watching a television
program or, at best, listening to fine music. Or it turns into no relationship
at all.
Further
trivializing our relationships is a frightening possibility (or reality). When a so-called
communication consists of posting a photo of oneself in a grocery checkout line
with the addition of bunny ears on one’s head, I ask myself just how
superficial we, as a society, can afford to be. If our relationships must be Internet-mediated
in this early part of the 21st century, must they also be designed
to omit the substance of what it
means to have a friendship? Emoticon- and bunny-ears-based “conversations” are
part of the dumbing down of the society, using thumbs-up emoticons when we have
already simplified our conversations below the simple-sentence level. We are
trivializing our understanding of ourselves, others, and the world around us.
If we were all to follow this practice, what would become (or is becoming) of
our society?
It was not that long ago when the
substance of our relationships was nurtured by conversations about our
children/parents/partners, about our successes and concerns. That created a
kind of bond that formed a stronger human network. Our society’s human network
is thinning and, in some places, breaking apart.
Being Part of the
Solution:
For those who care about the strength
of our society, we must demonstrate that with action. We each need to make
choices that will work for us, realistic choices but hopeful choices.
I ask you to think about each of the
points I’ve made and to consider what you might choose to do to contribute to
meaningful and constructive social-media-mediated relationships that support
the health of our society.
